25 Offensive Jokes!

Warning: Not for the easily offended. 🙂

#1. What did Kermit the frog say at Jim Henson’s funeral? ​Nothing.

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#2.​ I wish the grass in my back lawn was emo. Then it would cut itself.

#3. ​Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!

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#4.​ Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

#5.​ What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.

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#6. ​I asked Siri why I was still single. She turned on the front camera.

#7.​ I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

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#8.​ Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

#9.​ Did you hear about the blind prostitute? ​Well, you’ve got to hand it to her.

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#10.​ How does a nun get pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.

#11.​ How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap his Whopper!

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#12.​ I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

#13.​ How do you get to the hospital quickly? You stand in the middle of the road.

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#14.​ Why did the one-armed man cross the road? To get to the second-hand shop.

#15.​ What was Osama Bin Laden’s favorite drink? A double Manhattan.

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#16.​ The only drinking problem I have is that I can’t afford alcohol.

#17.​ The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick and accidentally passed her the super glue. She still isn’t talking to me.

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#18.​ For Sale: Parachute, used once and never opened, small stain.

#19.​ Did Jesus die a virgin? No. He got nailed many times before he died.

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#20.​ How can you tell if your acne is getting out of control? The blind start reading your face.

#21.​ Is it tasteless to ask a homeless guy if he likes house music?

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#22. ​What do you say to the one-legged hitchhiker? Hop in!

#23.​ Why are priests called father? Because it’s too suspicious to call them Daddy.

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#24.​ “Dad, how do stars die?” Usually an overdose.

#25.​ Santa, how would you describe Mrs. Clause? Santa: ​Ho ho ho!

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Relevant:

• 20 Funny LOL Dad Jokes
• Funny Ways To Cover Up Your Farts
• 20 Hilarious Pick-Up Lines That Might Just Get You A Date!

Tell u your favorite funny and offensive jokes below! 

Emmy Walker

Emmy is the founder and content writer at woopdedo. With a background in the performing arts, she then had a career working on cruise ships, until she decided to return to NZ where she spends most of her time storytelling and freelance writing. You can contact her on the social media links below or visit the work with us page.