How To Stop Giving A Shit About What Others Think Of You

How To Stop Giving A Shit About What People Think About You:

“A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep.” – Vernon Howard

Warning:  If you get offended by the word “shit“, then you’re shit outta luck because in this article we aim to stop giving a shit about what people think.

Introduction:

At times in our lives no matter who we are or what we do, we would have experienced making a decision or action that was controlled either consciously or unconsciously through the influence of other peoples opinions. Whether they are close to us, complete strangers or influencers throughout the media.

But, why do we act or refuse to act? Is it because we are concerned about how another person will react or if they will think negatively about us?

No matter how long you keep asking yourself this question, I want you to realize that at some point, you will define your thoughts and decisions based on what people think about you- and it will happen again, and…again.

However, what I’m interested in addressing here today, are the people who are constantly giving their power away to people that don’t matter in their lives by letting their actions, words, and emotions be greatly affected by simply giving too many shits about what others think of them.

The Approval Seeker:

A person who gives too many shits can come in different names. A people pleaser, approval seeker, and the nice guy all come to mind.

According to the urban dictionary, the definition of an approval seeker is “someone who tries to seek approval from other people to feel ok within themselves.”

We’re talking about the approval-seeking type that sacrifices their own life and happiness on a consistent basis to please others so they gain some momentary approval.

If you’re a people pleaser, chances are you will experience great empathy and care a lot for others. While this is an extraordinary trait, we as empaths have to remember that not everyone is like us, and we need to create balance and boundaries so we don’t let ourselves be taken advantage of.

What are the consequences of being an approval seeker?

Giving your power away to the wrong people and scenarios on a constant basis can come with great setbacks- and consequently can affect your mental and emotional health without you even knowing it.

These choices we make can be for a valid reason, and then there are those choices we make that reflect a transparent need for approval that devalues our authentic selves, which in return can suppress our unique potential for greatness.

What I have found is that these small choices we make based on an outside opinion can shape our lives in a significant way. These choices based on what we “think” others think of us, can redirect who we meet, it can redirect our career, relationships, and therefore the quality of our life.

We are here on this earth for a very short amount of precious time, so it’s important to acknowledge and have self-awareness of why you do the things you do, so you can create a life that is designed by you, and not by someone else.

When giving a shit can serve us in a positive way:

While this article is about not giving a shit, first we have to address that in many cases giving a shit is a beautiful thing that can serve us in a positive way. If we didn’t give a shit about the things that matter in life, like love, careers, and money- then we would less likely be able to manifest those things.

General examples of when giving a shit are normal:

Example 1: You work a job that involves a high standard of customer service, and, let’s say you’re having a bad day. A customer is being blatantly rude, so all you want to do is throw your stapler at their head and call it a day! (Now this is where giving a shit comes in handy). Instead, you smile and nod nicely, so you don’t get fired. (or a lawsuit against you)  😉

Example 2: You ask your friend’s opinions about your outfit choice that you’re wearing on a date, and you end up changing what you wear like 10 times because you give a ‘shit’ and you want to look nice!

Example 3: You’re too tired to pick up your kids from school, but because you give a shit, and you love them, you do!

What is not giving a shit?

Have you ever observed babies and animals closely? Well, if you have, chances are you’ll realize they don’t give a shit!

Babies and animals sleep, eat, cry, shit, and accept love without apologizing for it. They don’t care what they look like, and they don’t care what you look like. They aren’t yet, conditioned to alter their behavior based on other people’s opinions – and it’s beautiful!

Sadly, however, as we get older this all changes by the influence of society, our upbringing, friends, education, and the ever-growing social media platforms, where the filtered selfie and the bikini bodies standing next to Lamborghinis are the new norm. Not to mention, the online pressure to cultivate high-rated reviews for businesses and influencers that are a significant part of business success.

Now, not giving a shit isn’t running around the place causing chaos and mayhem without caring about how you’re affecting others. That’s just called being a DICK!

• Not giving a shit is all about taking control of how you spend your shits.
• It’s about how you invest your precious time, energy, and emotions.
• It’s about living a life that is defined and designed by you and not external influences.
• It’s about being conscious of your decisions and taking responsibility for your actions and feelings.
• It’s about being free and unassociated from the negative external forces that are not in your control.

and for me, mostly it’s about knowing the difference between compromise and self-betrayal.

When you are selling yourself short to simply please someone else, this is self-betrayal. However, when you are compromising, you are consciously willing to meet someone halfway.

The Blender and the Boss Brain:

There are many personality types that will care more about what others think of them than others, and it’s a vast and intricate topic to tackle. Therefore, for the purpose of this article I’m going to divide two contrasting personalities types I call…The Blender and the Boss Brain!

The Blender Brain:

Have you ever noticed that one person that will tell you one thing, and then they will go on to say the exact opposite to someone else?

Now, I’m not saying these types of people mean any harm, and I’m sure we have all done this to some extent in our lives. But perhaps these people may be giving too many shits about what others think of them, as they will tend to say what they think the other person will want to hear, instead of speaking their own truth.

These people like to blend in and please rather than owning who they are and what they stand for because they are afraid of what others may think.

Metaphorically say, this people pleaser is a banana, (yes, a banana!)  then this banana talks to the avocado, and instead of holding its banana ground it’ll start blending with the avocado with the intention to please. Then the same will happen when this banana blends in with the berries to please the berries, and before you know it, the banana loses sight that its a banana, and because it’s blended in so much to please these other “fruits”, the banana turns into a freakn fruit loop smoothie, and doesn’t know if it’s a banana from a berry!

The Boss Brain:

The “banana” who has a boss brain, on the other hand, knows it’s a banana, and knows what he stands for and won’t blend in to please other people unless he’s consciously compromising.

The moral of the story; know who you are, and what your values and priorities are, as this will help you stand a firm ground when you are put in a vulnerable situation.

Qualities and habits of an approval seeker that gives too many shits:

Please note, that not all these qualities will define someone as an approval seeker, however, if you find yourself resonating with the majority on the list, you may be a person who gives too many shits.

• Insecure
• You give more than you take
• Lack of self-worth
• Fear of rejection
• Find it hard to say no
• Feels guilty when they do say no
• Empathetic
• Avoids conflict
• Plays life safe
• Plays it small, so others can feel big
• Comes across as vague and uncertain about what they want
• Will do things even if they don’t want to
• A tendency to be passive and sometimes “wings” it instead of having a plan
• Indecisive
• Imposter syndrome. (not feeling good enough)
• Puts others first all the time
• You apologize often
• You struggle to ask for help
• You are overly thankful when someone is nice to you or you are given gifts
• Overanalyses situations
• Dwells on what they could have done better
• Beats self up with negative self-talk
• Second guesses their own opinions

Side effects of giving too many shits include:

So, I’ve come up with 10 things to think about in your life that will help you to not give a shit about what others think of you.

How To Stop Giving A Shit About What Others Think Of You

 

#1. Be True To Yourself

“The less you give a shit, the happier you will be”.

When I decided to start up my website and share several experiences that might be of great help to others. My aim was to be sincere enough and give out valuable transparent opinions. A lot of people called it crazy, but at that point, I was concerned about following my heart. Then I realized that, once I finally stopped caring about what people think, and pursued what gives me joy, my life became better.

Be true to yourself and do not underrate the peace and joy that flows over you when you decide to be true to yourself. It is very important you satisfy your conscience in whatever you do. Ensure you’re on the right track on whatever decision you take, and neglect any distasteful negativity that people might think of you or your decisions. Do what makes you happy!

#2. Don’t Be The Victim-Be The Creator

“He who controls himself controls the game”

You can’t drive your car from the passenger seat, so stop being passive and take control over the steering wheel and drive where you want to go. Otherwise, someone else is going to do the driving for you, and you never know where you’ll end up.

#3. People’s Comments Are About How They Feel and Not What You Feel

“Before you ask why someone hates you, ask yourself why you give a shit”.

A lot of people will go out of their way to make shitty comments about you, that isn’t even true. But then, you’ll realize that those people are actually saying a lot more about them, than they are you!

Sometimes it’s difficult and unavoidable to care what these insignificant people think, as you never know what rumors they are going to spread around to others. However difficult it may be to stop caring, just remember that the only approval you need is from yourself.

You need to understand that you have no business with how they feel and hence, should neglect these negative statements. Some would even go to the extent of making negative comments about you, out of jealousy or simply to pull you down. But if they are pulling you down, you are obviously above them. As long as you know your own truth, don’t sweat the small stuff!

#5. Always envisage the worst-case scenario:

“People are too busy picking at you to fix their own problems”.

Have you ever tried to ask yourself this question “what’s the worst-case scenario that would happen if you do that thing you really wanted to do?

An example of this case was that of a woman who went to the gym to work off some weight. On getting there, she received an unpleasant comment from an instructor when he said, “here is another one who will break our equipment”. He said this because she was about 90 kgs. But this lady didn’t give up and she ended up losing 20 kgs, despite the horrible comments she received from the instructor.

Some people don’t just give a shit about what other people think. So the question we should ask ourselves is – what is the worst thing that will happen if we do things that give us joy, irrespective of what other people will think?

The next time you find yourself resistant to do something, because you’re bothered by what other people will think, just stop and ask yourself that question. More than likely, you’ll realize that it is not that bad.

#6. Its All In Your Head

“What other people think is none of your business”.

It’s highly likely that what you think others are thinking of you is purely an illusion that you created, and it’s not what this person actually thinks.

Get out of your own way and out of your own head as you’ll find everyone’s too busy thinking about themselves, to even care what you are doing.

#7. Purge Out Negative and Toxic People Around You:

“You’re life isn’t yours if you are constantly caring what people think”.

If you surround yourself with negative friends and people that are negative about what you do, then there is a high tendency they’ll tear you down. Withdraw yourself from such people. If you’re the type that always feels intimidated, about what people say on the internet or have trouble with cyberbullying and you find it difficult to laugh off those terrible comments about you. You can stop this by ignoring the comments about you, or simply get yourself out of the situation.

People can’t stop being hateful or saying hateful things about you. Haters are everywhere!!! But you can control how you deal with it, and sometimes all you need to do is simply remove yourself from situations that make you feel uncomfortable.

#8. Get Comfortable Being Unliked

“Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuckworthy. As” – Mark Manson,

I have personally struggled with this, especially having experience in the entertainment industry where I felt like I was constantly seeking validation or approval, whether it be for a role, to accomplish great reviews from a show, or to receive positive feedback from passengers in the cruise-ship industry.

Not everyone is going to like you! And once you realize that, and give no fucks towards that fact, the happier you will be.

When I observe highly successful people in life whether they are wealthy businessmen or well-loved and hated celebrities such as Kim Kardashian, or a controversial comedian like Chelsea Handler, one thing that sticks out is they seem to give very little shits about what people think of them. For if they did, they certainly wouldn’t be in the position they are in.

Ways in which you can measure you’re “I don’t give a shit” level is through trying out some of the ideas listed below:

Idea 1: Wear something you would never wear down the street while singing a song to yourself.

Idea 2: If there’s a really long line behind you while you order lunch at rush hour; take your time and be indecisive with what you are ordering. This will be uncomfortable AF, and you’re going to get a lot of looks. But this is a great start to a future of caring less about what people think about you!

Idea 3: When that hot guy you crush over, runs past your house on his morning run, walks out in your dressing gown, and messy hair regardless of your insecurities, and pretend you’re getting the paper while saying “hi”! (warning: this may or may not work if you’re planning to pull) 😉

#9. Trust A Few, Forget The Rest

“The best revenge is not giving a shit”.

No matter how you see it, you’ll still need people around you. So it’s important to select a few that you can trust and share your opinion with. These are people who support, and share the same interests as you. By doing this, you’ll distance yourself from those who don’t have the best intentions for you.

#10. Build Confidence!

“The greatest thing you can give yourself is freedom from what others think”.- Abraham

The best way to not give a shit about what others think of you is through self-confidence! “Confidence is key” a friend once said to me, and I have to admit he was onto something.

The more confidence we have in ourselves, the less likely we are to succumb to the influence of others. If you’re not feeling overly confident within yourself, then create it!

• Take care of your physical well being
• Take care of your mental well being
• Do things that make you happy
• Invest in activities that make you happy
• Take pride in your appearance
• Know yourself more by writing down your values and what you stand for and what you don’t stand for
• Accept your flaws
• Be grateful for what you have, rather than what you don’t have
• Surround yourself with people who lift you up
• Acknowledge all your achievements
• Affirm to yourself positive statements

The next time you catch yourself giving your power away in the wrong direction ask yourself:

• What am I expecting to gain from this validation?
• Why do I care so much?
• What am I afraid of?
• Will it matter in a week?
• What will I lose, if I speak my truth?

Conclusion:

In conclusion, living the life you desire shouldn’t be based on what people think of you, as this can serve as a great setback to having that joy and fulfillment you desire and deserve. Lifes too short to live a mediocre life, and caring too much about what others think of you, will provide you with just that.

Everywhere we go, people are going to judge you no matter what, so you may as well live the life you want to live before it’s too late.

Even though we may not entirely be free from giving a shit what people think, we can at least gain self-awareness and control over what we give our precious time and emotional energy towards. In return, we will gain more freedom, confidence, and a feeling of liberation, that’s worth giving a SHIT about!

Share your thoughts about this topic below, and if you know anyone who will benefit from this article, then share it with them on social media! ♥