“Real men are mature. Real men aren’t driven by impulse or emotional neediness. Real men recognize that intense and immediate intimacy is nothing more than instant gratification, which will burn out as quickly as it ignites.” – Michelle Martin/Huffington Post
What is a Cinderfella you may be thinking?
Well, it’s not a dude in a dress as such, but it may as freakin well be!
I never knew or understood what a Cindefella was myself until …I dated one!
At first, this mysterious, tall dark, and handsome man came into my life unexpectedly and caught me by surprise. He was charming, sweet, attentive, had similar interests as me, and overall he was one of the first guys I had met that I could see myself with.
Hmm, could this be the one I thought to myself? Could this be my Prince Charming?
He had just reached his 40’s and had been overcoming a separation from his wife. So, naturally, I was cautious and wanted to take it slow as I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. But what I now have learned from a Cinderfella is that they DON’T like taking it slow.
It seems ladies are not the only ones thought to be damsels in distress, pining and begging for a man to rescue them, as now it seems there’s a growing movement that we are now the ones wearing the pants and the Cinderfellas are now wearing the dresses!
Before I proceed with my own take on what a Cinderfella is, I have to give credit to a contributing writer at The Huffington Post Michelle Martin, who coined this now trending term. Michelle’s article made a lot of sense and it certainly helped me connect some very confusing dots.
Michelle Martin describes a Cinderfella in her own way as:
“The middle-aged single man with an insatiable hunger for intense emotional and physical intimacy. Cinderfellas want passion! They want fireworks! They want to feel alive! They want to be rescued from their loneliness wastelands!”
So, what are the signs you’re dating a Cinderfella!?
#1. Cinderfellas want it now!
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There’s no time to waste for a Cinderfella! Oh no ladies, once you give him the green light, buckle up because you’re in for a fast ride! (and you never know when it will crash and burn.)
The Cinderfella is hungry! He wants “food” now! So instead of eating at a classy restaurant where the food might take longer to prepare and will be the healthier choice for him in the long run, he’ll reach for the fast-food option to satisfy his dating hunger! Nom, nom, nom.
This Cinderfella will try and move things ahead by talking about labeling your relationship, moving in together, and talking about a fairytale future where you live happily ever after! Instant boyfriend anyone!?
#2. Cinderfellas become needy
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At first, dating a Cinderfella can seem like a girl’s dream come true. They are overly attentive, they make you feel special and they want to spend all their time with you.
Okay, now this sounds great, doesn’t it? Like hello, who wouldn’t want that!?
It may seem flattering and exciting at first, but it will get to the stage where it’s overbearing and your instinct will tell you that something is not right. If he can’t be with you, he’ll satisfy his hunger with texts, calls and stalk every social media account you have.
Too much of anything becomes unhealthy and unsustainable. His neediness will start to repulse you, as he hasn’t given you time to miss him or even get the time to know him in the early stages where it’s meant to be exciting. There’s no more mystery, you have him in the bag and he has been caught, because…the chase is OVER!
#3. A Cinderfella may recently been divorced
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A Cinderfella may be recently separated or divorced. After all that time being in that past relationship, he becomes a lost puppy and wants to fill his emotional voids with other women, instead of healing his emotional baggage through self-awareness, time, and getting to know who he is again.
#4. A Cinderfella will give out flattery like candy
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The Cinderfella will quickly hook you into his charm with ongoing flattery that will make you feel like you are the only one for him. I like to call this…LOVE BOMBING!
Do any of these compliments ring a bell?
- “You make me feel like a man.”
- “I feel right when I’m with you.”
- “Our connection is so rare.”
- “You are so beautiful.”
- ” I think you’re my soul mate.”
Again, all these are nice to hear, but it’s the timing and consistency in which he indulges in all these compliments. After a while, all this love bombing becomes cheap, meaningless and it may even feel fake. RED FLAG!
#5. Cinderfellas are emotionally unstable
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A Cinderfella may seem emotionally unstable, due to leftover baggage from a previous relationship that he hasn’t confronted- or he has deep insecurities that will ultimately sabotage his long-term success with women which he will ultimately cling to like a sloth to a tree.
Because a Cinderfella is emotionally unstable, he is more likely to fill his voids by reaching for things that give him instant gratification. ie alcohol, women, and fishing for ego-boosting compliments.
#6. Cinderfellas don’t like conflict
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Michelle Martin says that a Cinderfella finds it hard to handle the normal ups and downs of a relationship. They want a smooth ride at full speed and will freak out the moment their new woman wants to drive a little slower or even get out of the car for a break.
Like dude, just calm your farm and back the truck up for a bit!
Martin says they fail to recognize that this is normal and that it’s only temporary! But instead of acknowledging this, the eager Cinderfella will show no self-discipline and source his next woman without consideration for the last, just to selfishly fill his emotional void, before his void gets the better of him.
And this my friends, happened in my experience with a Cinderfella.
Instead of taking it slow and building a strong healthy foundation first, this Cinderfella ran straight into the arms of someone else (who obviously wanted it just as bad) and is now in a relationship 1 month later. WTF!
How could this Cinderfella be telling me he wants a relationship with me, along with all the other flattery that came with it, and yet fall for another woman literally days after putting the breaks on? The connection I thought we had, was cheapened just as fast as his next relationship.
Honorable Mentions:
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♥ A Cinderfella can be overly agreeable and could resist communicating his true thoughts in the attempt to please and play it safe.
♥ He doesn’t have his own social life or interests/hobbies.
♥ He’ll drop everything to be with you if he can.
♥ He’s very romantic, expressive and may confess his desire for you in creative ways.
♥ They may love the idea of a relationship with you more than they love you.
♥ He’ll double text you if he hasn’t heard from you in a few hours.
♥ He’ll physically want to move fast.
♥ He’ll make it clear he wants an emotional connection with you.
Advice for you if you think you’re dating a Cinderfella:
Cinderfellas may not be all that bad and perhaps need a little more understanding and compassion. I mean at least they’re not a playboy! They just want to love you! What is wrong with that?
Well, it depends if their love for you is genuine or if it’s coming from a place of ‘lack’ in their own life. If he needs his past pain healed, then perhaps you might find yourself playing the role of a bandaid.
No one likes a needy and desperate man even if they are really nice, and it’s not your job to fix him.
But, if a part of you really likes him, but you see the potential relationship being destroyed by his Cinderfella ways, then tell him! If he doesn’t know how you are feeling then he’ll continue, and you may as well call it quits now as it will only get worse down the line.
If he doesn’t listen and consider you and your boundaries, then leave! But if he listens and waits for you, you may have something worth fighting for. 🙂
Ask yourself do you really like him?
Is this guy really needy or does he just really likes you, but you don’t like him as much?
If Leonardo DiCaprio was giving you the exact same attention, would you still think this behaviour as needy, or would you welcome it because you like him back just as much?
What happens if you’re Cinderfella found another “damsel in distress”?
Reflecting over my own experience, if you had a Cinderfella that was pouring love bombs on to you, yet he moved on so quickly after feeling your cold feet (that were justified btw) then all you have to do now, is grieve the loss of the deception and illusion of him, and see him now for who he really is and not this fairy tale Prince you thought him to be.
Sure, you may have now fallen off your fake pedestal and you don’t get all the “you’re so special” texts anymore. But, now you can get back to reality and the genuine relationships that bring you real happiness.
Advice for the Cinderfella:
♥ If you like her, slow down to her speed until she can catch up. True love isn’t going anywhere, so what’s the rush? Is it really important to be Facebook official?
♥ Chances are when you are wanting a relationship, you already know what you want and you have your own expectations. But remember you are dating someone else that might be thinking differently, so get to know them and their desires instead of trying to mold them into what you want.
♥ Create balance by not putting her on a pedestal. You are awesome too, otherwise, she wouldn’t be interested in you in the first place. If you’re always treating her like she’s better than you, then you won’t be equal, and she’ll always have the power and will eventually lose respect for you. Once that’s gone, soon her attraction for you will go, and it’s going to be hard to get her back.
♥ Give her time to miss you, by not texting or calling her as much. If she likes you, she will definitely get back to you!
♥ If you have been dating a girl for a few weeks, then it’s obvious a part of her really likes you, so just relax and live in the moment for a while. There’s no need to plan a wedding, discuss baby names and meet every single family member.
♥ And lastly, work on yourself. When you are more whole and you value yourself, you might find the tables turn in your favour and you’ll be the one in demand. Women can sense neediness and insecurities a mile away. Sure, we all have insecurities, but how we manage them matters. A woman wants a man; not a boy that we have to nurse to make themselves feel complete again.
Conclusion:
Growing up on Walt Disney films where the prince and princess live happily ever after is an ideal fantasy come true. Sadly, in the real world, life just isn’t like that and the real relationships that are worth fighting for will go through many speed bumps along the way.
Good things take time, and time along with his actions will eventually show you if you’re dating Prince Charming or Mr. Cinderfella. If your instinct is telling you you’re dating a Cinderfella, then it might be time to say BUB-BYE before he turns into Mr.Creepy!
Relevant reading:
What are your thoughts on the Cinderfella? Have you ever dated one? Share your thoughts below! ♥
Emmy is the founder and content writer at woopdedo. With a background in the performing arts, she then had a career working on cruise ships, until she decided to return to NZ where she spends most of her time storytelling and freelance writing. You can contact her on the social media links below or visit the work with us page.
